Dirty Thoughts
by Wayward Awesome
Summary: A fun and kinky arguement, with a tad bit of violence on Hermione's part.


Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine.

Warning: Slash

Ok, here is who each font belongs to: Draco, **Harry, **_Hermione, _Ron. There you go, hope it's not too confusing.

Enjoy.

Manaka.

* * *

"So…Harry. Tonight you will be my….wiotch!" 

**"You're what?"**

"My wiotch. Hey, why aren't you laughing?"

**"…"**

"It's a pun…a play on words, you know? Oh, Merlin. You don't know, do you? Granger, help me here."

_"What?"_

"When I say 'Harry, you will be my wiotch', what do you make of that?"

_"It's a pun."_

**"Meaning?"**

"Not the fastest broom in the shed, are you?"

**"Obviously fast enough for you."**

"Ooh, dirty thoughts!"

_"Would you two stop that? Anyway, Harry, he switched the 'b' with a 'w', changing the word from biotch to wiotch to make a play at the fact that we're wizards. Essentially, he's telling you that you're going to bottom tonight."_

**"And why couldn't he just say that?"**

"'Cause, it's more fun to make things difficult. Isn't that what the antagonist of the story does?"

**"Yeah, but you're not the antagonist. No one is. Not anymore."**

"Oh that's right. YOU ruined it for all the evil doers when you A.K.ed the Dark Lord. Party pooper."

**"That's me. Harry 'Party Pooper' Potter."**

"Yeah, but soon, it will be Harry 'Party Pooper' Potter-Malfoy."

_"So you finally gave in, and agreed that your name would go second?"_

"Well, Harry can be very persuasive."

"Don't even start talking about that stuff right when I walk up."

"We aren't going to change the subject just because you walked up, Weasley."

"And why not? My virgin ears don't need to be listening to that kinda stuff."

"The only thing that's virgin about you is your-"

**"DRACO!"**

"What?"

**"Do not even try to give me those 'I'm so innocent I couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong' eyes."**

"…"

**"Stop. Now."**

"…"

**"Oh, bugger."**

"Yay!! I win again!"

"What exactly were you doing that you could win at? All you were doing was looking like a total idiot."

"Shut up, Weasel."

"Oh, I'm so scared, Ferret Face."

**"Both of you stop it, right now."**

"Yessir, Mr. P.P."

**"What did you call me?"**

_"He called you 'Mr. P.P. and lest you have already forgotten, he called you 'Party Pooper' earlier. So Mr. P.P. would be Mr. Party Pooper."_

"I can see who the brains are in this operation."

"What?"

"Muggle saying I picked up from Harry. You pick up a few things when dating someone raised by Muggles. Oh wait, that means YOU should know what I'm talking about, seeing as how you're going out with Granger here."

"W-what? N-n-no I'm not!"

**"Hermione, come back!"**

"Oh, snap! Didn't see that one coming. Guess she didn't much like your answer."

**"Your face is the same color as your hair, Ron."**

"Oh, Ronald, it is. Care to elaborate on why?"

"N-NO!"

"HA!! You fancy Granger!! Harry can I sing that song you taught me back in Seventh Year?"

**"Which song is that?"**

"Ahem….Weasel and Granger, sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then-"

_"Malfoy, shut up!"_

"Oh, Granger. You're back soon."

_"Had to go find a book big enough to give Ron a decent concussion. But it would seem that I need to go get another for you."_

"Now why would you wanna give ME a concussion? Quite frankly, I don't see the point."

**"I think I see the point. You're kinda annoying at the moment."**

"HARRY!"

**"Fine. Hermione, don't give him a concussion. Whip up a gag to stuff in his mouth. That should shut him up."**

_"Okay."_

"Say it again, Harry."

**"Say what?"**

"That you're gonna gag me."

**"Why?"**

"'Cause it's kinky and it gets dirty thoughts going through my mind of you clad in leather with a whip and-"

"MY EARS!!!"

"I thought we already decided those weren't virgin."

**"Ron, come back!"**

"Good riddance."

"OUCH!!!"

"Oh, nice aim, Granger. Didn't know a book could get that much distance."

_"He deserved it. Now to shut you up."_

"You are NOT going to gag me!"

_"Malfoy."_

"If anyone's going to gag me, it's Harry."

_"Fine. Harry gag your fiancée."_

**"Gladly."**

"Yay!"

**"Does that look like it will stay?"**

"No. Merlin, Harry, you can't even do a decent gag. What did you do to deserve me?"

_"I don't know. Might've been the whole SAVING THE ENTIRE WIZARDING WORLD!!!"_

"Oh, that might be it."

**"Yeah, now shut up and hold still while I gag you…Hey, are you cold? You're shuddering."**

"…"

**"Oh, right, you can't talk."**

_"Better tie his hands , too."_

**"Mk. Draco, hold still or I can't tie this. You're shaking too much."**

"…"

_"I DON'T think that's his wand."_

"…"

"_Don't glare at me like that, Malfoy. Oh, Harry, I didn't know your face could go that red."_

"**Oh…um...Yeah, well…uh…"**

_"Alrighty…well, I'll just leave you two alone. Seems Malfoy's happy with that."_

"…"

_"C'mon Ron, get up. You wuss, it didn't hurt that much. Now get up unless you want more than your ears violated tonight."_

"Bye guys."

_"Well, that was easy. Bye, have fun!"_

"Pth. Thought she'd never leave."

**"What!? You could get outta that!?"**

"You're lousy at knots, love. Come, I will teach you how to tie a proper one."

**"There's dirty thoughts in your head, isn't there?"**

"Maybe."

**"You're smirking. Smirking isn't good."**

"You'll find out just how good it is."

**"Oh, Merlin."**

**_THE END!!!_**

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End file.
